Back to what I call reality.

It's been a hell of a ride last week. Grams was super sick and Alhamdulillah she's fine now. It's also the time where I'm like super broke and everything I do has to be on top of someone's responsibility. Seriously I hate doing that and I've been trying to make a stop out of it. I know that they don't mind about it but I do have my own dignity. I'm 25 going on 26 and this is how fucked up my life can be.

At least I confessed to the world that I have a fucked up life instead of living a lie.

There's something else I think I need to write about. Sometimes I think I'm too kind enough. My friends do say the same thing too. I don't know why but I don't like to make a big fuss out of anything. I think what Mimi said to me is true, "You actually care about others first and forget to think for yourself and that makes people step above your head". Honestly, I hate myself for being like this too. And to all beings out there, I hope you don't take me for granted okay. Once is okay, but not too much.

Recently, Rizal(who used to be my greatest nemesis) and me have been talking on the phone till wee hours. Well, I guess it's true when they say that gossips make you forget the time. Seriously I forget about the rest of the world when I talked to him. Stories after stories, facts which turned out to be rumours and rumours which turned out to be facts. One after another, I heard him expressing sincere paragraphs. All my doubt have been answered too. At least I know that I'm not being lied anymore. From the bottom of my heart, I'm glad to announce that my used-to-be enemy has become my Sifu now. I'm going to learn the ropes from him from now onwards. This time, it's for real.

Just now during school practice with the Zhonghua girls, an incident actually make me startled. Here goes.

Everyone was practicing as per normal.Girl A and Girl B are best friends. Girl A is dancing like shit and in fact she was the worst dancer amongst all. Girl B is actually a good dancer and she would always watched out for those who cannot dance and looked at everyone while dancing. In another word, she's observant. So during the briefing, I called out Girl B and asked her to point out to me who is not dancing well. She actually knew the answer from the start but then she hold herself from answering. Then I gave her 2 options. Point out the weak dancer or run 2 rounds around the block . She chosed the 2nd option.

I was indeed disappointed yet startled at the same time. Because she is not using her leader qualities to solve the situation and in fact she chose to cover Girl A's ass instead of making her learn. Due to that, I scolded Girl A infront of everybody for not making any effort. Even the teachers are surprised with Girl B's choice. I had a one to one talk to her about it and I guess it's not helping as she wasn't listening to what I say. Kids nowadays, haiz.

Moving along to my love life. So what's the story morning glory? I guess there's nothing that I can say about. Except for this guy whom I've known for quite some time. I'm VERY disappointed with him. Actually from the start, I was okay with him. But along the way, I've decided to test his faithfulness and that makes our relationship soured abit. But then things do happen too, I won't go into details. As time goes by, his MSN nick sounds fishy. So I asked him if he's seeing someone else because if he do, I will just walk away. He denied a couple of times. And then when I found out the truth, I didn't actually rebuked him for it in fact I gave him some advices. But I think I know that he's feeling guilty but what the heck, it's his problem. If he loves fucking around, then let him be. Because this heart is not available for him anymore. I would declare this a love hate relationship. He wanted to add me in Tagged but I rejected it. So what does it says? He's just using me like a toy.

I guess that's all I can say for now.

P/S: Thanks to Mimi for introducing this beautiful song to me. Read the lyrics. It's meaningful.

Finally, having the mood to blog again. Last Thursday, SDT did a performance for Lentera Tari at Bishan. Although the first item was a cockup, at least they atone their mistakes by doing well for the Bunga Rampai dance.

When I watched them dancing from the backstage, I almost couldn't control my tears as I know that these girls will help me succeed in my journey. Once again girls, a big thank you to all of you especially to Abu, Rizal and Busu for helping out.

Recently, I've been chatting with Rizcarl Farfalla Yusof who happened to be my enemy last time. I guess it's a blessing in disguise when I made a decision last year. Seems like everyone is coming back to me and making me realise my mistake. Alhamdulillah.

Sad to say, till now people is still accusing me of making up stories. I guess people couldn't accept the fact that I've already moved on and they are still stagnant with their narrow minded brains. So be it. I'm not the one who's on the losing end here.

Seriously, what do you gain by doing that to me? You think that the people around us is blind? You think that by being someone influential, you have the right to make people believe that you are not in the wrong? Hello, wake up and smell the coffee. Things are not going your way and please try to accept it instead of living a lie. Oh yeah I forgot. You loved making people lived on a lie, especially me. So I guess it's happening to yourself now.

Ok, full stop. I don't want to keep barking. Nanti orang ingat aku sengaja nak carik pasal. And yet my name is at stake here.

OH MY GOD!!! I FEEL SO FUCKING GUILTY!!!!

To my Sutera babies especially to Jia, Ida, Huda and Atai, I'm so sorry for making you girls lose concentration on your studies. ; '((

Seriously after this Thursday, I will lessen the trainings for you all. Followed by a treat. Hehehehe...

And yes, Sutera Dance Troupe has finally began its operation now. We are doing things slowly at a time. I feel so glad that I had these babies who would stick to me no matter what happens. Especially Mai, she's already like a younger sister to me.

Speaking of which, I've already made my decision. I'm going to stop teaching in March. Hahaha, I know. It's been countless times that I've been saying this but this time, it's for real. I've already talked to the teachers and they didn't object to my decision. So it's time to pass on the legacy.

The one taking over me will be a surprise. *winks*

I would like to wish these two a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! YAY!!!!!!

Ms Aee HolyImp & Ms Khalisah.

Semoga umur korang dipanjangkan dan dimurahkan rezeki. Terutama sekali pasangan hidup. Gituu???

Pure straight men=Motherfuckers

Straight acting bapoks=Motherfuckers

BISEXUALS=Motherfuckers

So it all sums up to one thing. They are all motherfuckers.

Don't come telling me that I'm fucking childish and has an attitude problem when I did nothing to you. You asked me a question and I answered it. Not being sincere? Fuck you.

Now you're putting the blame on me when you don't have the mood. Eh fuck, I'm not your fucking toy okay. Nie lah jantan, habis manis sepah dibuang. I think he's sick in the brain ah.

Sometimes ah, I feel like giving up. Korang pernah dengar kan how straight guys turned to guys when they are disappointed with girls. Well, I'm the opposite. Aku really dah takleh tahan. Dari the first guy sampai the last one, semua haprak tahap nak mampos nyer. Semua macam PUKIMAK DIA PUNYA LAKI.

Arrrgghhh.... Aku boleh jadi gila ah macam nie. Korang boleh lah suruh aku sabar tapi nie betul betul dah sakitkan hati aku tau. Yeah, ada banyak lagi jantan kat luar sana tapi sampai bila? Sampai aku naik pelamin, baru semua nak berebut nakkan aku?

Dah ah, that's it. I'm not giving face to any guys out there. Wanna be in a relationship? Sorry, this shop is closed.

OK, suddenly I had the craving to blog again.

Last Sunday, my cousin got engaged. What's worse, he's younger than me. So I have already expected many questions bombarded on me. Especially 'bila kau nyer turn?'. How I wish that I could grab the mic from the DJ and say,

"I'M A BLOODY FAGGOT AND I LOVED COCKS. SO STOP ASKING MORE QUESTIONS." And walked off diva-ishly. By that time, I think my Nenek should have fainted and my Mummy would be banging her head on the buffet table. Hahaha.

I really loved it when I gather with my relatives. Semua joking joking like no business like that. Hehehe, tak tau plak that everyone liked my singing. Kembang kucup kejap. Mummy was proud of me okay. Cos I stayed till the end and helped out.

My Nenek sibok sibok want to go over to the girl's side. Orang tua nie kadang kadang tak ingat tau yg dia tak kuat jalan, still want to run around.

Kak Kam asked me to take this photo so that people will think that this is my engagement ceremony. WTH!!

Nie semua ada Facebook. Cuma satu bahalol(second from right) pegi delete sebab dah putus cinta. Bongok!

Ah nie semua cucu kesayangan Nek Asiah yang tak abis abis kasi masalah. Hahaha.

Orang dah bergelar bertunang. Hmmmm. Bila your turn, Khai? -__-

Ahhh, ini bukti yang aku orang nya kes gotong royong jugak. I'm not the type of person yang pakai smart smart datang majlis, step mana nye superstar cukup time je balek. Sorry hor!!

Sebapok bapok aku pon, at least aku perangai JANTAN ok!!... Hehehehehe.

Oh yeah by the way, I guess semua dah tau yg I've stopped working with my friends. Bukannya apa, I really like working there. But I HATE it when baik buruk aku dalam office, semua orang dapat tau. Bukan sekali, bukan dua kali tapi dah banyak kali. Nanti kalau ada jer aku buat benda, the next thing I know kawan kawan aku will start asking questions, " Eh I heard you this that there when who what was?" Kalau korang, bingit tak? Aku datang nak kerja dengan halal, tapi orang tak abis abis test iman aku. So I guess this is the only way out.

I know, I know. Khai tak pernah nak duduk lama in any jobs. Apa aku bole cakap.. Farkk off lar... Hahaha.

Banyak jugak cerita aku dah dengar sebelom nie. Tapi aku hanya mampu duduk one corner and senyum lebar. I guess karma is doing its job right now. Bukan nak carik gaduh ke apa lar yeh. Tapi dah terbukti you are falling down slowly. Cakap lah apa kau nak cakap, bangkit semula lah, takkan jatuh lah, tetap berada di atas awan lah. Tapi pada pandangan mata orang semua, jatuh boy!!! You are slowly falling apart. Masih lah aku nak repeat eh!

Takpelar, taknak cakap banyak lagi nanti orang ingat aku carik pasal. Padahal aku yang jadi mangsa.

Ok, mood blogging aku datang balek so you can expect more entries after this okays.

Okay people, I'm going to be in a hiatus mode for a while. Simply because I have no idea on what to write. Resolutions and reflections are kinda bull to me now. So forget it.

Bye.

I HATE SELF-CENTRED MORONS EVER!!!!

You may be someone whom I knew from our childhood days but that doesn't mean you have the right to say anything to humiliate others. Ok fine, you may have a nice body but sorry to say, your looks are mediocre lah. Even I myself don't see anything 'gorgeous' about you.

Errrrggghhhh!!!!!

Here's the story. Some of you may have seen my previous status in MSN. It says "had the most wonderful *ehem* ever". Then came this moron asking me something hurtful and stupid.

"Camne org bole stim tgk kau? kau kan horrendous...."

All I replied was, "eh thanks"

Seriously why should I bother answering right?

Sometimes I asked myself why am I entertaining this guy when I don't fancy him that much. Even some of my old friends said that he can be irritating at all time and not to forget, 'Bebual world sampai tak ingat dunia'.  I'm seriously very close to disregard him as a friend. It's not the first time he did it.

Anyway...... I got the green letter from SAF, or is it brown? red? Whatever. I think I'm going inside again. -__- aiseymannnnn...... Fuck it lah. 5 days is nothing compared to the 4 months I suffered in 2004. I really want to make a petition about this lar. How can they ever think that we have the time in the world to go for these craps? Some of you can escape lar because you people chow keng! got excused. Ahhh, so be it lar.

i'm beginning to miss KL again. Mimi and me have decided to drop by during CNY. Just the two of us. Maybe another round of *ehem*. Not between me and Mimi hor!!!!!!!!!

I'm baaaaaaack!!! Hehehehe.....

The last 4 days was a blast for me. I've never enjoyed myself this much actually. Fishing Bay Resort at Mersing was fabulous. Although it looks like a simple kinda place, you can still enjoy yourself despite anything. Swimming pool was fantabulous!! It looks over the sea and it's quite enjoyable when you had the pool to yourself. BBQ was also great. We had crabs, stingrays, squids and others. Not to forget the seafood dinner on the 2nd day. Cheap and satisfying. The only bad thing about it is that we don't have any TV inside the standard rooms. So, connection to the outside world was cut off. Luckily I brought along my lappie and managed to buy the Hotlink Broadband Prepaid but damn, the connection was terrible. Worse than dialups.

The view from our balcony.

This is what I'm talking about. And the best thing, I expect Malaysian swimming pools to be murky but they proved me wrong on this one.

Alvida-sama(Fat Pirate) with me during our BBQ session. For your information, it's only catered for 4 people but the amount of food is like catered for 20 people.

Nab brought us to this Air Papan beach. It was windy and the waves were rough. But what captivates me was the stargazing we did that night. I've never experienced that before actually. When we sat by the shore and stargazing, I suddeny was reminded of the past. Out of a sudden, I turned quiet the whole time.

Fishing Bay Resort is really a nice way for you to get away from the city life. Oh yeah, the breakfast sucks. So don't expect continential breakfasts or whatsoever.

Then came Saturday where I had to depart to KL while the rest of my friends head back to Singapore. Took the Transnasional express bus. Express my foot!!! It goes round and round, up and down hills, swaying left and right and honestly, that was the worse ride in my life. The best part was, I had to be seated next to a minah tudung and there I go squeezing myself between her and the aisle. BAD EXPERIENCE!! I swore to myself that I won't take a bus going through the inter-states AGAIN.

My journey starts at 12.30pm from Mersing and I reached KL at about 7pm. Can you imagine how I suffered?? There was a time that I had to 'tahan' my urine for 2 hours.

Checked in at 7plus. I decide to stay for another night. This hotel is good but the standard rooms don't have windows. I almost became claustrophobic because of it. And yeah the breakfast sucks too. It's just 2 sausages, baked beans, hash brown and eggs.

Okay, honestly. I went to KL because I'm meeting someone. In fact that someone is coming to spend the night with me. Shall not explain in details. Hehehehe. What I can say is, I had the most enjoyable fuck in my life. Hahahahaha!!!!! Well, the sad thing is..... He left while I was asleep. "I dah kejut tapi tak bgn, taknak kacau". Whatever. Hahaha.

I walked all over KL by myself. It's fun but as time goes by, you will realise the loneliness. Everywhere you see people with friends and families and there you are being alone in a foreign land. Great.

Oh yeah, too many Singaporeans were there so it kinda spoils the fun.

I loooooove this vandalism artwork. Especially the drawing of the late Yasmin Ahmad. See how accurate it is.

Well, time flies fast. Time to head home on Monday. Got the Suasana Edaran VIP coach again. Gosh, the steward butchered the English language sak!!! "Ledees eh gentlemen, don't forgeh to bring your lages wis you." I was smirking the whole time he gave any announcement. I seriously think that they should hire Singaporeans rejected air steward/stewardess as a replacement. At least our English are understandable. :P

Thank goodness they changed the food, Hannah. :P This was much better.

Watching pirated movies. Geez, irony.

The bus.

It's really an experience travelling alone. I kinda liked it actually. Will try to go it again in February, insyallah. With the purpose of meeting someone again, I guess.

MERSING

&

KL

HERE I COME!!!!!!!!

Going to destress by the beach for 2 days followed by a solo getaway plus (fill in the blanks) at the same time.