Back to what I call reality.
It's been a hell of a ride last week. Grams was super sick and Alhamdulillah she's fine now. It's also the time where I'm like super broke and everything I do has to be on top of someone's responsibility. Seriously I hate doing that and I've been trying to make a stop out of it. I know that they don't mind about it but I do have my own dignity. I'm 25 going on 26 and this is how fucked up my life can be.
At least I confessed to the world that I have a fucked up life instead of living a lie.
There's something else I think I need to write about. Sometimes I think I'm too kind enough. My friends do say the same thing too. I don't know why but I don't like to make a big fuss out of anything. I think what Mimi said to me is true, "You actually care about others first and forget to think for yourself and that makes people step above your head". Honestly, I hate myself for being like this too. And to all beings out there, I hope you don't take me for granted okay. Once is okay, but not too much.
Recently, Rizal(who used to be my greatest nemesis) and me have been talking on the phone till wee hours. Well, I guess it's true when they say that gossips make you forget the time. Seriously I forget about the rest of the world when I talked to him. Stories after stories, facts which turned out to be rumours and rumours which turned out to be facts. One after another, I heard him expressing sincere paragraphs. All my doubt have been answered too. At least I know that I'm not being lied anymore. From the bottom of my heart, I'm glad to announce that my used-to-be enemy has become my Sifu now. I'm going to learn the ropes from him from now onwards. This time, it's for real.
Just now during school practice with the Zhonghua girls, an incident actually make me startled. Here goes.
Everyone was practicing as per normal.Girl A and Girl B are best friends. Girl A is dancing like shit and in fact she was the worst dancer amongst all. Girl B is actually a good dancer and she would always watched out for those who cannot dance and looked at everyone while dancing. In another word, she's observant. So during the briefing, I called out Girl B and asked her to point out to me who is not dancing well. She actually knew the answer from the start but then she hold herself from answering. Then I gave her 2 options. Point out the weak dancer or run 2 rounds around the block . She chosed the 2nd option.
I was indeed disappointed yet startled at the same time. Because she is not using her leader qualities to solve the situation and in fact she chose to cover Girl A's ass instead of making her learn. Due to that, I scolded Girl A infront of everybody for not making any effort. Even the teachers are surprised with Girl B's choice. I had a one to one talk to her about it and I guess it's not helping as she wasn't listening to what I say. Kids nowadays, haiz.
Moving along to my love life. So what's the story morning glory? I guess there's nothing that I can say about. Except for this guy whom I've known for quite some time. I'm VERY disappointed with him. Actually from the start, I was okay with him. But along the way, I've decided to test his faithfulness and that makes our relationship soured abit. But then things do happen too, I won't go into details. As time goes by, his MSN nick sounds fishy. So I asked him if he's seeing someone else because if he do, I will just walk away. He denied a couple of times. And then when I found out the truth, I didn't actually rebuked him for it in fact I gave him some advices. But I think I know that he's feeling guilty but what the heck, it's his problem. If he loves fucking around, then let him be. Because this heart is not available for him anymore. I would declare this a love hate relationship. He wanted to add me in Tagged but I rejected it. So what does it says? He's just using me like a toy.
I guess that's all I can say for now.
P/S: Thanks to Mimi for introducing this beautiful song to me. Read the lyrics. It's meaningful.









